And here comes the tragedy

Things keep going worse and worse, always because of school.

In the last 3 weeks I’ve been having problem with subjects like philosophy and history, which are bringing me to a big failure. Now I have 3 subjects under thanks to my history/philosophy teacher and I won’t probably be allowed to take my final exam. Of course I’ve tried to recover the situation but history was a disaster, because I didn’t understand what I had to study and during the oral test the teacher kept asking me question about Fascism but I couldn’t say a single word since I hadn’t revised it (by the way, there were tons of topic he could have asked me about but he insisted on that one, obviously knowing that I wouldn’t have spoken).

Philosophy’s test was definitely better and I got a good mark, but today, the teacher came to me saying he wanted to listen to me again. My eyes got wet for the anger. Fuck! I wanted to focus on the other subjects but once again, I cannot.

Plus, there’s a rumour which is apparently quite sure, that the examining body’s president will be a maths teacher who had had quarrels with most of my school’s teachers. He’s now the headmaster of another  high school in my city but my teachers know him for the mass murder he made two years ago: five students failed even if their previous marks were excellent and the other got a miserable 60/100 (the minimum score to pass the exam). What’s more, this man kept interrupting students during the exposition of their short thesis, and during the whole exam interview.

This asshole happens to be our examining body’s president!

Our mates and I have been having problems with maths for five years and we all know our maths exam will be a total disaster, that’s why we are trying to do our best in other subjects. This problem can’t be ignored, of course, but with this man will become huge! Generally, if you are not so good in maths, you can count on other subject and be quite sure teacher won’t flunk you just because of a single bad score. Well, with this man things are a bit different, and if he sees someone is not very good at maths he keeps asking questions until you’re dead-beat.  You can imagine that for someone who’s not good at maths this is a tragedy.

I came to know this on Thursday 26^th: during the break time, while I was revising Italian and Latin of the oral test (a fucking test about the whole programme for which i hardly had time to study) one of my classmates rushed into the classroom shouting like a lost soul. When he explained us what happened there where some people who nearly had a collapse.

During our English class, the teacher tried to comfort us, saying that worrying so much was totally worthless. I trusted him, and I came to think that the president won’t have been as evil as hearsay said, but when we informed other teachers, they immediately got pale after hearing the president’s surname. Our Maths’s teacher was the most worried of all.

Let’s clear something: I know this period is stressful for each single student at his 5^th year of high school so, I’m not the only one and I’m not the first. There’re tons of students who are under pressure in this period, but I just can’t think they are as unlucky as me and my classmates are, and not only for this new president. We have been tortured (yes, I’m not exaggerating) for three years. We’ve been having teachers that had put us down whenever they had the occasion. Lots of people where flunked (18 people left us during these five years, and we are now 17), and the others have never been sure to be safe. We studied and studied but our strains haven’t been rightly paid back. Ok…this might still be fine if, in the end, you can finally get that fucking diploma and leave the awful environment the high school is.

All I want is to give up studying so much and go to university. I would have, and I will study hard until the end of the exam but I just can’t stare that things like this happens! And when you are stressed you need to believe in something that can cheer you up like “I’m not alone!”.

Today two of my classmates had to set up a lesson about relaxing. They gave instruction while the rest of us were lying on the ground listening to some relaxing music and what did I do? I started to cry like a baby! Fortunately I managed to hide it, because I stayed silent and everyone’s eyes were closed.

Yeah, I’m not a strong person and when I have to stand period like this for two month my self-control often fails to keep my emotions inside. I avoid doing it a school because I feel embarrassed but at home it's different.

When I come home I can’t find some rest from school’s stress either: my mother keeps shouting to everyone she meets, to my dad in particular. So it’s a kind of never ending cycle….well, a circle doesn’t have an end…oh well, you got the idea.

The only activity that really relaxes me is drawing, but unfortunately, in this period, I cannot spend time doing something which is not studying. And well, this is probably the right thing to do since the exam is getting near.